Although I’ve always known it would happen being here now and seeing all this around me I can’t believe it, here I am finally at a real LA party. Sure, I don’t know a soul here but that’s bound to change soon. I’ve only been in town a day over two weeks after all and networking isn’t something that happens over night. That’s why I’m here now – to network myself into a strong group of people that are likeminded and on the way up. Sure acting is a one man game, I understand that, but at the same time, most any actors you see today that are successful had a strong group of friends on their way to the top. Understanding that is half the battle toward success – copying a model that’s worked for someone else. And as I said before that’s my only reason for being at this party tonight. So what if Lauren can’t understand that and chooses to brood by herself in our new apartment (that she hates for the record) while I’m out here grinding it out for both of us? What does she know about a place like this anyway?
Christ, she thinks I’ve changed in the two weeks we’ve been here. Whatever that means? Shows how little she knows.
Before the two of us got together she was living in the sticks --- some population zero town with no future in sight. Now we live in the center of all things hip! The sky’s the limit! And If I hadn’t swooped in and took her away she’d still be working in that run-of-the-mill gas station – shelling reheated pizza’s to factory workers splurging on a Friday evening.
And as far as “home” is concerned, that dipshit town of hers, she was born there. I was forced to live there. She never knew the guy I was before moving down to the sticks – a result of mistakes I made in the city. She met the guy after the fact. The recovered junky. The kid with a future and dreams to pursue. And when we lived in the sticks and all I had was dreams, she was fine. Today, now in a new phase where the dreams can materialize soon and become common place, I’m suddenly the bad guy. I’m the one that’s changed.
Please, like she knows a thing anyway. She couldn’t expect to keep me cooped up in that town forever. I stayed as long as I could. Why? For her! Now it’s due time for Andrew to work on Andrew, and in turn work on us both. If she can’t see the forest from the trees and support my being out here, moving both of us out here, to better OUR lives… then fuck her!
Well actually, I don’t mean fuck her…
I get ahead of myself sometimes. The emotion envelops my brain, cutting off reason. I guess you can say I have a short temper. You can’t blame me though. I’m an actor. It’s in my blood… my genetic make-up.
I can’t let myself get out of control when I’m in situations like this… the party that is. Despite how emotional of a creature I am, I have to learn how to maintain my control. That is the professional thing to do after all. I’ve heard stories of actors throwing fits on set all the time, but that isn’t until after they’ve already established a name in town. Right now I’m nobody… sure that’s all gonna change, but in the meantime I have to project the best personality possible.
Take this party for example. I can’t walk around here throwing weight around like I’m the big dick on campus… hell no! Maybe when I’m in the apartment with Lauren I can get away with that shit, but that’s my turf. This thing, this place, this castle, it’s a whole other world for me. It’s a lot to take in all at once, but at the same time, I’m sure all of this is going to be common practice after I hit it big. So it’s best I get adjusted first… then bring Lauren around when she’s more comfortable.
Lauren would be offended by the scene anyway. At least I think she would. Everywhere I look there’s a Playboy-worthy woman prancing around in her birthday suit… especially the pool! And the drugs! Don’t get me started on the drugs! Lucky for me I’m a recovered drug addict… and I mean that with all seriousness. If I hadn’t gotten “in the program” a few years back I’d be a sitting duck in a place like this. But now I’m a rock with a focused eye on the prize… I know it and that’s all that matters. Sooner or later she’ll have to realize the image of who she thinks I am and was isn’t who I am at all. She says I’ve changed since leaving home. I say I’ve finally come home. I’m finally myself. And Lauren will have to learn to accept that. End of story.
I’m supposed to meet my friend Tad who I met on one of my extra jobs but I don’t see him anywhere around. He was supposed to introduce me to a writer friend of his that has all the right friends in all the right places… I think his name is Donnie or something of the like. Anyway it’s no matter right now. This isn’t the sort of party where people wear nametags. I’m just going have to sift through the herd to find Tad… which shouldn’t take too long I hope.
I make my way through a large courtyard with the biggest and bluest swimming pool I’ve ever seen. A group of young model-types are taking their clothes off while doing lines of what looks like coke being given to them by mid-eastern guys… I think they’re Persian or something. There actually seems to be a lot of Persians in this town – or at least more than I’m used to back home. I’ve also noticed most of these Persian guys all look the same – not like Asian’s do with the same little faces – the Persian’s in and around LA look like the same “person”, if that makes any sense. They all wear the same clothes, the same white-pointy shoes, the same fake Breitling watches, with the same haircuts, and the same black BMW’s parked out front. I’m wondering if that’s a cultural thing, or maybe the city of LA? I sure hope it’s not the city. If LA has the power to influence an entire culture of people, I’m in a whole world of trouble. After all I’m not a trend-setter. I’m an actor.
I’ve been navigating through the crowded courtyard for what feels like an hour and I’m still only half-way to the main house where it seems “my type” is hanging out. I see a table on the way to the house covered by an endless sea of expensive imported beer bottles. I know I’ve been in the program for a couple years and I really shouldn’t have a one, but drinking isn’t like doing drugs. And the beer’s so damn fancy… plus how can I be expected to network without doing a little casual drinking?
I weigh my options for all but twenty seconds and grab the first beer I can. It’s something German and wouldn’t be able to pronounce it if my life depended on it. The bottle is frosted and numbs my fingertips at the touch. The bottle’s neck sweats condensation inside my palm as I bring it to my lips. The first rush of beer is cool and smooth in my mouth – starting an orgasmic Oktoberfest amongst a group of born-again taste-buds that haven’t had the pleasure in over six-hundred days. My throat opens up almost mechanically and lets the sweet, dark, German elixir tunnel down into my stomach which will eventually lead the business-ingredients into my bloodstream…
Within minutes I can feel the beer going to work.
Since getting into town my panic-attacks have been getting worse every day. Yet at this moment something in the Alcohol is putting it all at bay. I can no longer feel my heart beating out of my chest or the club-soda in my brain. Everything is calmed down. Chilled out…
I can see myself doing the beer thing a little more often. As long as I-
“I think I know you…” A beautiful-brunette (in fact one of the most beautiful brunettes I’ve ever seen) says to me with a smile on her face.
Feeling my knees come dangerously close to giving underneath me I realize there’s no way this girl can know me. She looks like a movie star. So I tell her probably while blushing uncontrollably, “I um, really don’t think so. I’m new in town”.
“Me too… just about everyone at this party is ‘new in town’!” She opens her beautiful mouth and lets out the most innocent giggle I’ve ever heard – almost putting me in a daze. “I think I heard somewhere that the average life-span of a young person trying to make it in Hollywood is six months. I’ve been here three weeks and am losing my mind”.
She continues to talk to me as if she’s genuinely interested in having a conversation. She’s not like the rest of these people. She’s not cold. She seems… happy? But I still don’t know why she’s talking to me. Guys like me don’t know girls like this. I want to say something to this girl but don’t know how. I’m half intimidated, half scared she’ll realize she doesn’t really know me and I’ll have to go back to hunting for Tad in a sea of strangers.
“I know where I know you from now! I’m such a dunce!” She says as her wide-brown eyes light up. “You were the guy at the set of Skylab a few days ago! You were one of townspeople extras. You kept asking what a SAG Voucher was.” She laughs.
Fuck, I think to myself. This girl does know me. This angel. This first crush I’ve had in a long time knows me from the day I make the biggest ass out of myself since getting into town. It all comes to light for her now. I’m not anyone worth talking to. I’m just another “extra”… and an extra that really didn’t know what a SAG Voucher was to boot.
“I didn’t know what a SAG Voucher was when I first got here either” She offers, actually calming me down some. “I thought you just come to LA, call up an agency, and tell them you want to be famous!” She starts laughing again, “I had no idea there was all this red-tape behind it all.”
I begin to calm down a bit. This girl is just like me. We’re soldiers in the same war. My drink is dead so I walk over to the table for another, without thinking I just left the girl alone. No matter though, she’s actually following me! I open myself a beer and hand it to her. She takes. I open one for myself. She offers cheers. I take. We share a smile. Then, now more comfortable in my cheap-ass shoes I say-
“You know when I first got into town I did exactly that… called up a few agencies asking them to represent me. I didn’t even have headshots.”
She starts to giggle, spitting up some of her German Beer. While laughing she asks, “Are you serious?”
“I wouldn’t lie to you. I just busted out the yellow pages in my hotel room and started cold-calling all the way down the list. I didn’t even have an apartment yet. I figured I should get an acting job first before finding an apartment.” I say all of this with a new-found confidence. I’m actually enjoying myself. Normally in social situations I frog up – which isn’t all that uncommon amongst actors – I shy away into the corner and normally only talk to people I know. And if I do talk to anyone, they don’t look like this girl. This is the type of girl that would have me shaking in my boots. I would run the other way for fear of making a total fool of myself. But this is different. I’m smiling, engaging, and looking her right in the eye. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something different about me. I’ve gone through a change since first stepping foot into this party. Maybe I’m acting and not even knowing it? Perhaps the scenery is so close to what I always dreamed things would be like if I hit it big, that somewhere deep in my subconscious I’m taking on the role of an actor… and then it hits me… I realize what’s attributed to this newer, bolder, and more confident me…
It’s the cold, sweaty bottle resting comfortably in the palm of my hand. It’s the cool froth going down my throat. It’s the alcohol in my blood. Two drinks into the night and I’m a new man. The panic attacks are gone. My confidence is skyrocketing. And for once in my life, I impress someone worth impressing.
I can see this beer thing becoming a regular fixture in my day-to-day. I take a final swig off my second bottle and before I can say anything, this porcelain-skinned brunette beauty before me exchanges my beer for another and offers the cutest wink this side of Colorado.
“So this is really embarrassing but I figure I have to ask being as we’re talking and getting along so well” She says as my heart flutters – anxious to hear what this is going to be, and then she humbly says with a smile, “I don’t even know your name”.
I laugh and offer cooler than ever, “It’s cool. I don’t know your name either.”
We both laugh. Take swigs. Share a silence. Then…
We lock eyes. Fireworks blow-off in my belly the moment our pupils align. My heart races, in a good way. With one glance, I feel more alive than I ever have. I think she feels it too, even though I can’t understand why. We’re in our own world together. The rest of the party is only background music. Then finally our shared silence hits its climax when she smiles and says, “Rachael… my name is Rachael”.
I’m in a daze for god-knows how long. Her name rings in between my ears over and over. Rachael. Rachael.
I get over it. Compose myself. Take a sip and say, “I’m Andrew… Andrew Lloyd.”
“Well Andrew Lloyd” She says with a seductive smile, “Being you’re the first person I’ve really talked to since getting into town, we should keep-“
Just before she could finish she’s stopped by an intruding body cutting in between us. At first I thought it was a stranger who had too many, then I realize its Tad… and he looks like shit.
“Hey Tad are you alright?” I ask.
He doesn’t answer for minute. He doesn’t look good at all. Defiantly not the brooding, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, leading-man type I met and befriended on my last few extra jobs. The Tad before me looks exhausted, his once dark complexion is left gray and scaly, I don’t think he’s slept much, and aside from the sandbags under his eyes (if my experience in rehab has taught me anything) I’d say he’s been hitting the pixie dust pretty hard.
“Sorry I’ve had a rough night. I didn’t mean to invite you to a party and leave you all alone with strangers. How long have you been here?” He says.
“Not too long. Not really a problem.” I introduce Rachael into the mix while shooting her a confidant smile, “Rachael here has been keeping me entertained.”
Rachael softly shakes Tad’s unstable hand and says, “I think I’ve seen you around a few extra jobs.”
Empty, distant, and mind-wandering Tad responds, “Yeah… I think I’ve seen you around…”
The three of us share nods, a moment of uncomfortable silence, and then Tad changes gears, “Listen Andrew I’d hate to do this to you but I…” He takes a moment to compose himself, “I just can’t stay here. I’ve had a really bad… I’ll call you.”
He takes off without another word, well before I can say anything to rebut. I’m having a fine enough time with Rachael so I shrug it off and get back to her. “That was… interesting” I say.
She polishes off her beer and pops another. “Welcome to LA.”
“You’re probably right, and we’ve only been here a couple weeks, you and I.”
“Which reminds me, I was going to say before your friend crashed in here, we should I don’t know… exchange numbers or something. It’s good to have a friend in a town like this, and I’m sure we’ll be doing the same extra jobs. Maybe we can, I don’t know… carpool, hangout, whatever?”
I can’t believe my ears. I would pay good money on a magazine if there was a picture of this girl inside it, just so I could hang it on the wall. I mean she’s a knock-out… and it runs deeper than looks. She’s genuine. She’s beautiful. And she’s actually interested in me… Then I realize, maybe that’s what I have that the other guys around this party don’t, I actually want to know this girl. I’m genuinely interested…
“I mean it’s so cold on those sets, if you know what I mean. It would be nice to have someone to talk to” She says.
“I totally agree with you. I couldn’t think of anything better than being paid to have a chat like this again while pretending to be students in a high school.”
She laughs, and then says “Who knows, maybe if we get close enough we can play high school sweethearts in the background”.
She’s flirting with me and I’m grooving with it. The drink’s working wonders with me. This chick’s into me, and I’m totally into her. With the drink in my hand and this girl near my arm, the city of Los Angeles is looking a lot better than it did a few hours ago. I mean this moment is what day-dreams are made of. It couldn’t be more perfect.
We pop another couple of beers and go to work. She starts talking about just getting into town and whatnot – regular “get to know you” chat. Half of me is listening and nodding while the other half can’t help to wonder: If Lauren wasn’t back in our shit apartment hating every minute of this town, how happy could I be as an overall unit with a girl like Rachael?
It’s defiantly something worth pursuing. I may have something here so I’ve got to play it smart. I’m not saying I’ll dump Lauren for something better, not after the sacrifices she’s made for me, I’m not that type of person… that’s an LA thing.
I’m just weighing out my options.
